Three weeks ago, I had gum graft surgery in two places. Because it was hard to find someone to tell me the down low — I’m typing it here. Hey, if there can be a million articles on “what people don’t tell you about pregnancy,” there can be one blog post about gum graft surgery.

As long as said article includes funny pictures of people smiling.

When you tell people you need a gum graft, you’ll get two responses “OMG, that sounds horrible,” or “yeah! my dentist keeps telling me to do that!”

Because everyone gets braces when they are in their teens and brushes the heck out of their teeth, it is becoming more common. Well, that and a lot of other factors, I’m no doctor. And truth be told, it isn’t that bad. But at first, it’s bad.

My main motivator in this was that my gums had receded so much, I’d lost enamel protecting my teeth in some places. This resulted in mega sensitivity. I was convinced I had a cavity or root canal. Nope, just hyper sensitive teeth.

So, the surgery…

First of all, it’s painful. Several people — the dentist, the hygenist, and the periodontist — told me I could go back to work the next day. No one who had the surgery thought I’d be able to.  Word to the wise: listen to the people who have been there. Not the doctors. They put me on laughing gas for an hour, and then handed me an ice pack and told me to drive safe. Oh, and to hurry and get to a pharmacist to fill my prescription for Lortab.

Because it was a Tuesday afternoon, I had to go to work on Wednesday. I’d committed to go to Breakfast at Tiffany’s after all. But I”d advise taking a day or two off. I came home every night and got high on Lortab. My original plan was to get surgery on a Friday and have a chill weekend. But the periodontist was very convincing, promising me he’d have me out in 45 minutes and I wouldn’t have to come back. And yes, I was out in 45 minutes. But I wish I’d taken a weekend. It felt like someone had punched me in the mouth several times.

Second, it’s awkward. You’re swollen. You can’t brush your teeth for two weeks. You feel like your mouth is bleeding. You can’t eat solid foods which does weird things to digestion. Do I need to go on here? I don’t think I do.

Third, the pain is bad for about five solid days. And then its annoying. And finally, you’re on this blissful home stretch, where you feel like you did make the right decision. About that time, the hunger starts eating you alive. You will pretty much say “forget this” and just start eating pints of ice cream for lunch, justifying it by pairing it with a V8 Splash. Because the V8 Splash commercial says there is a serving of vegetables in the bottle. But really? It’s only 10 percent juice. Yeah, that was a major let down.

I’d say that is about it. It was successful, too. I have little-to-no recession in the places they operated. And my teeth are sensitive — I drank ice water the other day with no pain. Sounds like no big deal — well finally I can join the rest of the population in saying it wasn’t a big deal. It used to stress me out of the server brought me ice water when I specified no ice. Now, there are no worries.

Oh, if you’re interested, I went to Dr. Mangleson in Salt Lake City.  I thought they did a great job in working with my insurance and explaining the costs. And, since the surgery turned out great, I’m happy to recommend him. Dr. Mangleson even called me from home after the surgery to see if I was OK. A  few days late, when I was feeling some pain, I called him at home and he chatted with me and put me at ease.